Deludia

Bump on a Log

I’m watching television again. And again I have no idea why I am because what I’m watching is making me angry. I’m watching Ax Men, a so-called reality show that claims to show us all what logging is all about and the character of the loggers. It’s all crap.

I’ve spent the last 40 years of my life in the Pacific Northwest and I’ve even worked for a logging company. I worked for Columbia Helicopters out of Aurora, Oregon in their truck department. The company does heli-logging in addition to heavy lift work. Truth told, I couldn’t cut it. The work was hard and long and uncomfortable. I quit just ahead of being fired because I just couldn’t keep up.

The people who worked the woods, running the skidders, setting chokers, topping and branching, and cutting were a hardy lot. Me, not so hardy. But of all of the people in logging I ever knew, not a single one of them were as foolish, boorish, mean and outright stupid as the people portrayed in this show. I suspect they took the money paid by the production company because their business acumen in the logging business was lacking.  It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that they couldn’t make money logging like the other companies do in spite of a flagging economy. I think this particularly of the Rygard family on the show. Daddy Rygard screams and shouts and demeans the people who work for him and is only outdone by his fat butt, loud-mouthed son. The loggers I’ve known would have stuffed their heads right up their butts –literally– for talking the way they do.

I remember one day I was in the field for Columbia to help tow a pickup truck in for service. It had a log dropped across it that crushed the bed badly. We were supposed to pull it down to the forward camp, cut the bed off and put one from a truck with a bad motor  on in its place. I made the mistake of asking the truck’s driver if he got a kick out of  ‘eff-ing up the trucks.’  Next thing I knew I was on my fanny in the mud with my ears ringing. Turns out he was in the truck when a choker let loose and dropped the log. It could have killed him. I learned to show a little respect. So I’m absolutely sure if one of the Rygards was out there talking to people the way they do, a log would have been dropped on the cab of the truck they were in.

Then too, the television production companies, looking for more sensationalistic television, are known for egging on fights on-camera in an effort to make more compelling TV. That, and having the workers they film act out little scripts to add some drama. Real men don’t do drama in the woods. They put their efforts into a paycheck and the satisfaction of completing a job.

In spite of the death of Phil Harris, the Deadliest Catch’s captain of the Cornelia Marie, most of what we see on reality television these days is anything but reality. I’m sad to say that Discovery just might relish the death of the 53 year old captain as adding yet more drama to the show. The truth here is that crabbing didn’t kill Phil Harris, his smoking, drinking, diet, and lack of stress management did. Phil likely would have died if he worked a check stand at a supermarket. I don’t mean to belittle the captain. Not at all. I have a lot of respect for his individuality and penchant for living on the edge, and I’ll miss seeing him on the program.

But as to the loggers portrayed on Ax Men, a closer look at what logging is about –or a more accurate portrayal is found on Swamp Loggers. That’s a competing show about a company that logs on most any terrain, often swamps and bogs. There you get a dose of recognizable reality.

No, I can’t go out and do what they do. Even when I didn’t have cancer and was at my physical best I couldn’t cut the mustard. I don’t mind admitting it. Some jobs take a special kind of individual, and for logging I wasn’t one of them.

But neither are the Ax Men.